Fitting In, or Oh No You Didn't

Here's an amalgam of like a dozen conversations I've had over the past several years.

Neighbor/Acquaintance (N/A): "I just have to tell you what a delight your children are!"
Me: "Oh, thank you!"
N/A: "Yes, they're so sweet and mature. You are very blessed."
Me: "Thank you. I really can't complain."
N/A: "They are so courteous, really. So different from most kids out there."
Me: {Smile} - By now I start feeling a bit uncomfortable with all of the adulation, and start to think I'm being set up. Okay, so I'm a bit paranoid.
N/A: "But you know, I'm concerned about them."
Me: {Here goes...} "Really? In what sense?"
N/A: "Well, how well do they relate to other children? Do they have any friends?"
Me: {Deep sigh...) "Very well, I guess. And yes, they do."
N/A: "Do they fit in?"
Me: "I think so."
N/A: "Oh, that's nice."

Sigh...

It often feels like other people are more concerned about my kids fitting in than we are.

Yes, My kids relate well and fit in well with the kids that they count among as friends. That's no different than how it is for adults. We have friends, and we have acquaintances. It is up to us to discern the difference between them.

Ultimately, I think these comments betray how some people really feel about homeschooling. There are just so many misconceptions about it, and about socialization in general. Most people opt to soften their delivery, by dropping compliments as a lead up to the criticism. Some other veiled criticisms are preceded with praise for me.

"Wow, you are amazing. I could never homeschool my kids."

To be fair, criticism doesn't always follow these compliments, but things do tend to go that way in a number of cases.

For the record, my children are completely "normal." Yes, I am their mother, and I teach them, but last time I checked, I was fairly normal, too. They have their good days and their bad days. Some days, they're irritatingly irrational and immature, and on other days, they're so darn angelic, I can't keep myself from gushing over them. Thankfully, they do tend to be very well-behaved when we're out and about, and reserve most of the "acting up" for when we're home. Often, my husband and I are the only witnesses to those episodes.

There's a lot that annoys me about this sort of conversation.

-It assumes that good behavior and maturity are an obstacle to fitting in or making friends. An absolutely ridiculous assumption!

-It reveals a very negative view of kids today--a view that I don't share. There are a great number of children that are pleasures to be around, regardless of how and where they're educated.

-It suggests that being well-behaved and mature is only a problem in a social sense, if you're a "misfit" homeschooler. An adult in a child's body, unable to relate to other children. Conversely, if you're a homeschooler and you're misbehaved and immature, then it's because you're home educated and don't know any better.

-It suggests that by "fitting in" we mean "uniformity." If that's the case, and I don't believe it is, then who wants to fit in anyway?

Imagine hearing the following from your boss...

"Yeah, you're super reliable, well-adjusted, and punctual, but well, how are ya gonna fare with the water cooler crowd?"

It all seems a bit silly, doesn't it? Especially as it assumes that the entirety of your life, at least in terms of social acceptability, revolves around the workplace, or the school, as in the sample conversation above.

Note to self: The next time this conversation comes up, I think I'll do like the Madagascar penguins, and just smile and wave.