It wasn't my intention to make this blog completely private (for those of you who may have tried to access it recently). My initial plan was to reassess what I wanted as content, and perhaps redesign the look of it all. I had intended for this blog to be mostly homeschool related, but in looking over my posts, they've been all over the place in content. It's my life, and it's eclectic, and we still homeschool, but it's not all that we do, so I've come to terms with that enough to just let it go. So what should have taken no longer than a few days, turned into a few weeks, but it was all for naught as I never got around to doing what I had wanted to do in the first place. But then I got so distracted with other stuff that I never got to do any of the above.
What I did manage to do however, was spend a lot of time with my family over the Christmas holiday. My husband took off a nice chunk of time from work, and while it was crazy for the first few days (days just before and after Christmas), the subsequent days were heavenly, with time spent just lounging around, playing boardgames, video games, watching films, chatting, and just generally enjoying each other's company. A large amount of time was also spent watching Korean dramas, thanks to my fangirl daughters. I'm such an addict. I've watched four dramas so far, and I have determined that I have no self-control, opting to watch them complete in one or two sittings. Seeing as they're all in Korean with English subtitles, I've decided that I will NOT feel guilty about it as all of those hours would surely just add to our Korean studies. I think I've picked up a whopping 10 or so new words, so it's nothing to write home about, but no matter.
Oh, and can I just say that I suck at coming up with labels to add to my posts? It's my own fault as I still haven't quite figured out to stick to one topic. Well, I'll just have to learn as I go along. For those of you patient enough to come along for the ride, thanks!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, October 10, 2011
Title? I Don't Need No Stinkin' Title!
I can't believe it's been over a month since I last updated this blog. I've wanted to. I have! As usual, I've been keeping busy. If my laptop were still in working order, I'm sure I'd have updated earlier than this. Sitting at the desktop often feels like torture for me. I miss the portability.
Quick run-down...
CCD started, and I have a smaller class of first communicants this year. The first grade class is HUGE though, so I'll be kept on my toes next year. I wonder if I can petition to have the class divided then. It's so much easier with a smaller class. I find that I'm getting way more covered during each session. I want to make a connection with each of the kids, but when the classes exceed twenty or so students, I spend more time on classroom management than I do actually teaching the faith. I have a really great bunch of kids this year, too. They're asking great questions, and are really absorbing a lot each week. Again, it makes a huge difference that there are so few of them. It's so much more manageable!
Last week was our first break from homeschooling. It was welcome, but it didn't feel like much of a break. I think we only really rested one day. Note for next break: DO NOTHING, or close to nothing. ;)
Sometime in September we went into the city, and stopped by Trinity Church where they had a display of items and photographs related to 9-11. (Thanks go to my sweet niece for taking these pictures).
Ten years later, and I still have difficulty wrapping my mind around what happened that day. I found that I had to just tear myself away from the exhibit as it was just too overwhelming for me. Ten years ago, and a few months before the planes hit, I had been worried and upset that my husband had lost his job (right across from the towers), but on that particular day, I regarded the job loss as a blessing. Seeing the images of the people lost that day, just bore a hole into my heart, and I couldn't get out of there soon enough. Again, it was so overwhelming.
The visit to Trinity Church was followed with a pleasant, and welcome romp through Chinatown. We had a few items to purchase to satiate our Kung Fu addiction. My purchases consisted of Chinese liniments. Not terribly exciting, I know. But we did manage to pick up a rubber knife for kali practice. And there were a few other purchases, such as Jay Chou posters for my teen, and a pair of sneakers for me (a gift from my husband, who no doubt was tired of being kicked by my old sneakers. The old ones had a broken zipper on them, and made them extra dangerous. He gets kicked when we practice of course, so it's allowed).
After Chinatown we went to the Whitney Museum with my niece to check out the Cory Arcangel exhibit. I didn't really "get it," but I seldom understand what is regarded as modern art. It was more like a pop culture exhibit, and I did appreciate it in that sense. It seemed a rather loose interpretation of the word "Art." But what do I know? In any case, Arcangel (cool name, though) is a digital artist. But his pieces are quite unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's kind of difficult for me to describe, but one piece was made up of a regular television playing back-to-back related clips from Seinfeld. Another piece had a chronological array of bowling video game clips--the first showing a very rudimentary, highly pixelated early version, and at the end came a more detailed, better resolution, more modern clip of a bowling video game. These were all projected onto a huge wall. There were two benches situated before the wall, and seeing as we walked at least a gazillion blocks that day, it was oddly relaxing to just sit there and gaze at the series of clips which played on a continuous loop, with the echoing of electronic noise.
Let's see...what else?
Oh, yeah, school. It's been great! Yes, still! I think a lot of this is due to using the right materials. I'll have to write another blogpost listing our new curriculum picks, which reminds me--I have to update the items listed as our "current" resources here as well. The big winners so far this year? Campbell's "Exploring Life" for Biology, and Larsen's "The Art of Argument." I've also got to add the Teaching Company's DVD lectures on the Iliad and the Odyssey. Dr. Vandiver is very knowledgeable, and I find that her insight greatly enhances our enjoyment of these great epics. Good stuff!
As for other stuff...
My girls were so excited when they heard that their favorite k-pop acts were playing a free show near us. We didn't realize we'd need tickets though, but thankfully we managed to pick some up on the last day of distribution. There was a two-day Korean festival, in part, celebrating Korea's 20 years as being part of the UN.
Saturday we spent a large chunk of the day there, just wandering around, and visiting all of the booths.
Yesterday was the concert, and it was a LONG day.
One daughter was lucky and got to see her favorite of the bandmates.
My other daughter wasn't so lucky, as her favorite had a schedule conflict and couldn't make it.
It was uncharacteristically hot for this time in October, and it was oh-so-crowded, too. I thought I was going to pass out when I got stuck in the middle of a crowd. But the girls had a great time, so I couldn't be happier. They were able to see B2ST, SHINee, 2PM, 4Minute, TVXQ, SISTAR, and several other soloists. Even the Village People were there. They have sure gotten a lot of mileage out of their act! We all had a great time, even though the start of the day was kind of crazy.
I just have to add that I'm so proud of myself though, because I really have learned to control my breathing, and keep myself from getting anxious. On a hot day like yesterday, that couldn't have been more useful. This morning however, I've been coughing up bits of blood. I'm thinking that it's due to yesterday's over-exertion, particularly as I don't appear to have any other symptoms other than some chest tightness. I had been meaning to update earlier that after the antibiotic regimen, I have been much, much better. But I honestly don't think that's all there is to it. I have been high-dosing Vitamin C, and am taking a daily multi-vitamin, as well as vitamins A, B, and E separately. The result is that I haven't gotten as much as a sore throat in the past few months. That's a new record for me! I've been more energetic, too, and it feels so good.
Quick run-down...
CCD started, and I have a smaller class of first communicants this year. The first grade class is HUGE though, so I'll be kept on my toes next year. I wonder if I can petition to have the class divided then. It's so much easier with a smaller class. I find that I'm getting way more covered during each session. I want to make a connection with each of the kids, but when the classes exceed twenty or so students, I spend more time on classroom management than I do actually teaching the faith. I have a really great bunch of kids this year, too. They're asking great questions, and are really absorbing a lot each week. Again, it makes a huge difference that there are so few of them. It's so much more manageable!
Last week was our first break from homeschooling. It was welcome, but it didn't feel like much of a break. I think we only really rested one day. Note for next break: DO NOTHING, or close to nothing. ;)
Sometime in September we went into the city, and stopped by Trinity Church where they had a display of items and photographs related to 9-11. (Thanks go to my sweet niece for taking these pictures).
Ten years later, and I still have difficulty wrapping my mind around what happened that day. I found that I had to just tear myself away from the exhibit as it was just too overwhelming for me. Ten years ago, and a few months before the planes hit, I had been worried and upset that my husband had lost his job (right across from the towers), but on that particular day, I regarded the job loss as a blessing. Seeing the images of the people lost that day, just bore a hole into my heart, and I couldn't get out of there soon enough. Again, it was so overwhelming.
The visit to Trinity Church was followed with a pleasant, and welcome romp through Chinatown. We had a few items to purchase to satiate our Kung Fu addiction. My purchases consisted of Chinese liniments. Not terribly exciting, I know. But we did manage to pick up a rubber knife for kali practice. And there were a few other purchases, such as Jay Chou posters for my teen, and a pair of sneakers for me (a gift from my husband, who no doubt was tired of being kicked by my old sneakers. The old ones had a broken zipper on them, and made them extra dangerous. He gets kicked when we practice of course, so it's allowed).
After Chinatown we went to the Whitney Museum with my niece to check out the Cory Arcangel exhibit. I didn't really "get it," but I seldom understand what is regarded as modern art. It was more like a pop culture exhibit, and I did appreciate it in that sense. It seemed a rather loose interpretation of the word "Art." But what do I know? In any case, Arcangel (cool name, though) is a digital artist. But his pieces are quite unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's kind of difficult for me to describe, but one piece was made up of a regular television playing back-to-back related clips from Seinfeld. Another piece had a chronological array of bowling video game clips--the first showing a very rudimentary, highly pixelated early version, and at the end came a more detailed, better resolution, more modern clip of a bowling video game. These were all projected onto a huge wall. There were two benches situated before the wall, and seeing as we walked at least a gazillion blocks that day, it was oddly relaxing to just sit there and gaze at the series of clips which played on a continuous loop, with the echoing of electronic noise.
Let's see...what else?
Oh, yeah, school. It's been great! Yes, still! I think a lot of this is due to using the right materials. I'll have to write another blogpost listing our new curriculum picks, which reminds me--I have to update the items listed as our "current" resources here as well. The big winners so far this year? Campbell's "Exploring Life" for Biology, and Larsen's "The Art of Argument." I've also got to add the Teaching Company's DVD lectures on the Iliad and the Odyssey. Dr. Vandiver is very knowledgeable, and I find that her insight greatly enhances our enjoyment of these great epics. Good stuff!
As for other stuff...
My girls were so excited when they heard that their favorite k-pop acts were playing a free show near us. We didn't realize we'd need tickets though, but thankfully we managed to pick some up on the last day of distribution. There was a two-day Korean festival, in part, celebrating Korea's 20 years as being part of the UN.
Saturday we spent a large chunk of the day there, just wandering around, and visiting all of the booths.
Yesterday was the concert, and it was a LONG day.
One daughter was lucky and got to see her favorite of the bandmates.
My other daughter wasn't so lucky, as her favorite had a schedule conflict and couldn't make it.
It was uncharacteristically hot for this time in October, and it was oh-so-crowded, too. I thought I was going to pass out when I got stuck in the middle of a crowd. But the girls had a great time, so I couldn't be happier. They were able to see B2ST, SHINee, 2PM, 4Minute, TVXQ, SISTAR, and several other soloists. Even the Village People were there. They have sure gotten a lot of mileage out of their act! We all had a great time, even though the start of the day was kind of crazy.
I just have to add that I'm so proud of myself though, because I really have learned to control my breathing, and keep myself from getting anxious. On a hot day like yesterday, that couldn't have been more useful. This morning however, I've been coughing up bits of blood. I'm thinking that it's due to yesterday's over-exertion, particularly as I don't appear to have any other symptoms other than some chest tightness. I had been meaning to update earlier that after the antibiotic regimen, I have been much, much better. But I honestly don't think that's all there is to it. I have been high-dosing Vitamin C, and am taking a daily multi-vitamin, as well as vitamins A, B, and E separately. The result is that I haven't gotten as much as a sore throat in the past few months. That's a new record for me! I've been more energetic, too, and it feels so good.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
School, a New-Used Vehicle, and Other Stuff
Again, I've gone and neglected this blog. For my loyal reader (yeah, singular--you know who you are! lol), I am sorry.
It's our third day back at school and already it's been like a roller coaster. The kids seem content enough to be back at it full time, but I'm still getting over the end-of-summer blues. Things were so relaxed and stress free for a while there, and then, BAM! Because of this, we all decided to take a few weeks off of the kung fu. And then the hurricane interfered with our plan to finally attend class the week before last, and of course, last weekend was a long holiday. So we've been out even longer than we had anticipated. It's been nice to be off. But the longer we delay, the harder it will be to return.
And then CCD starts up again this coming Sunday, and for some reason, I'm irrationally stressed about that as well. This will be my fifth year teaching CCD. This year, like the last, I'll be teaching the 2nd graders preparing for first penance and Holy Eucharist. We're using a new curriculum again this year, so that's another program I have to adjust to. I've thumbed through the text, but I've yet to really sit and read through a series of lessons to get a feel for it. I think I'm most worried about getting it all done. We use large school editions of the texts, rather than the smaller, "intended-for-once-a-week" manuals, and I suspect that this is because many teachers are able to get through the shorter books at a clip, leaving these teachers with nothing to cover for the last few weeks of the year, whereas I tend to stray from the text all of the time. I never feel that the text explains things well enough to foster a deeper understanding of the Faith. I know I can teach the material with just the shorter volumes, and expound on topics as necessary. But frequent straying from the larger text isn't really feasible long term, as I'd just get further and further behind. It's expected that we get through an entire chapter per week, and we only have about a one hour session (not counting time spent in choir practice). Add into this the time spent just on classroom management, it just seems like a tall order for me, especially with classes that sometimes exceed 20 students. I will have a teacher's aide this year, so I'll have some help on that front, thank God!
But yeah, about school...
I'm trying something a bit different this year. I'm starting off with the younger two. So far, this appears to have been a good idea. They're highly distractible, so getting them done nice and early has been a positive change. Rather than having everyone rotate times spent with me, it's just a nice long block with the younger two first, and then one-on-one time (mostly troubleshooting problem areas) with my teen. She spends most of her morning working independently...viewing her math lesson on the computer, taking notes from her textbooks, working on her language copybook (mostly her Latin paradigms per the Dowling Method), and reading her literature selections. We're still trying to work out little things like meeting deadlines, and learning to more efficiently schedule time spent working independently. This is a big challenge for her. It's almost like she sees her morning as this long, endless stretch of time, and doesn't realize the need to schedule her time appropriately in order to accommodate everything. I've suggested time limits for certain tasks, but she hasn't seemed to take to them just yet. I'm -->thisclose<-- to just handing her a wind-up timer to see if that would help. I suppose it would. We'll see. I don't think my expectations are irrational, and neither does she, so at least we're on the same page on that note.
Let's see...what else?
Oh, my husband's friend at work just gave us his mini-van. It seems his sister recently bought a new car, and passed her old one along to him, so we luckily became the happy recipients of his old mini-van! It's lovely, too! And we couldn't be more grateful, particularly as the Banshee, i.e., our little eyesore of a vehicle, has seen better days. We're just relieved to have a vehicle large enough to accommodate us all, with enough room to spare so that we are able to take my Mom out when she's up for taking a spin. The kids are over-the-moon excited over it, as it's all one even color (LOL!) and it has a CD player. That's like cutting edge for them. Sad, but true. Our older vehicles only had tape decks (this blog is called "Ye Olde School" for a reason after all), neither of which worked. And the radio in the Banshee was temperamental, too, and would only go on for my husband. I'm just delighted that our coming and going won't be obnoxiously heralded by loud screeching anymore. That got old really quick. The kids found it amusing some of the time, but most of the time, I'm sure it embarrassed them. My repeated assertions to them that routinely dealing with such annoyances would only build character, started to fall on deaf ears. They were definitely ready to move on, and I can't blame them. I was too.
It's our third day back at school and already it's been like a roller coaster. The kids seem content enough to be back at it full time, but I'm still getting over the end-of-summer blues. Things were so relaxed and stress free for a while there, and then, BAM! Because of this, we all decided to take a few weeks off of the kung fu. And then the hurricane interfered with our plan to finally attend class the week before last, and of course, last weekend was a long holiday. So we've been out even longer than we had anticipated. It's been nice to be off. But the longer we delay, the harder it will be to return.
And then CCD starts up again this coming Sunday, and for some reason, I'm irrationally stressed about that as well. This will be my fifth year teaching CCD. This year, like the last, I'll be teaching the 2nd graders preparing for first penance and Holy Eucharist. We're using a new curriculum again this year, so that's another program I have to adjust to. I've thumbed through the text, but I've yet to really sit and read through a series of lessons to get a feel for it. I think I'm most worried about getting it all done. We use large school editions of the texts, rather than the smaller, "intended-for-once-a-week" manuals, and I suspect that this is because many teachers are able to get through the shorter books at a clip, leaving these teachers with nothing to cover for the last few weeks of the year, whereas I tend to stray from the text all of the time. I never feel that the text explains things well enough to foster a deeper understanding of the Faith. I know I can teach the material with just the shorter volumes, and expound on topics as necessary. But frequent straying from the larger text isn't really feasible long term, as I'd just get further and further behind. It's expected that we get through an entire chapter per week, and we only have about a one hour session (not counting time spent in choir practice). Add into this the time spent just on classroom management, it just seems like a tall order for me, especially with classes that sometimes exceed 20 students. I will have a teacher's aide this year, so I'll have some help on that front, thank God!
But yeah, about school...
I'm trying something a bit different this year. I'm starting off with the younger two. So far, this appears to have been a good idea. They're highly distractible, so getting them done nice and early has been a positive change. Rather than having everyone rotate times spent with me, it's just a nice long block with the younger two first, and then one-on-one time (mostly troubleshooting problem areas) with my teen. She spends most of her morning working independently...viewing her math lesson on the computer, taking notes from her textbooks, working on her language copybook (mostly her Latin paradigms per the Dowling Method), and reading her literature selections. We're still trying to work out little things like meeting deadlines, and learning to more efficiently schedule time spent working independently. This is a big challenge for her. It's almost like she sees her morning as this long, endless stretch of time, and doesn't realize the need to schedule her time appropriately in order to accommodate everything. I've suggested time limits for certain tasks, but she hasn't seemed to take to them just yet. I'm -->thisclose<-- to just handing her a wind-up timer to see if that would help. I suppose it would. We'll see. I don't think my expectations are irrational, and neither does she, so at least we're on the same page on that note.
Let's see...what else?
Oh, my husband's friend at work just gave us his mini-van. It seems his sister recently bought a new car, and passed her old one along to him, so we luckily became the happy recipients of his old mini-van! It's lovely, too! And we couldn't be more grateful, particularly as the Banshee, i.e., our little eyesore of a vehicle, has seen better days. We're just relieved to have a vehicle large enough to accommodate us all, with enough room to spare so that we are able to take my Mom out when she's up for taking a spin. The kids are over-the-moon excited over it, as it's all one even color (LOL!) and it has a CD player. That's like cutting edge for them. Sad, but true. Our older vehicles only had tape decks (this blog is called "Ye Olde School" for a reason after all), neither of which worked. And the radio in the Banshee was temperamental, too, and would only go on for my husband. I'm just delighted that our coming and going won't be obnoxiously heralded by loud screeching anymore. That got old really quick. The kids found it amusing some of the time, but most of the time, I'm sure it embarrassed them. My repeated assertions to them that routinely dealing with such annoyances would only build character, started to fall on deaf ears. They were definitely ready to move on, and I can't blame them. I was too.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Latinists and Hellenists, Rejoice!
I just made a last minute purchase from The Teaching Company (The Great Courses), and I was emailed a link to course starter materials as a follow-up to my order. I was thrilled to see there was a link to the Perseus Digital Library.
I have seen similar sites, but this one is outstanding, and I just had to share.
Feeling oh so grateful for the Internet right about now.
Enjoy!
I have seen similar sites, but this one is outstanding, and I just had to share.
Feeling oh so grateful for the Internet right about now.
Enjoy!
Date Denial
I can't believe it's already the end of August. Seriously? What? Unreal.
This entire summer has been a blur. I think it will forever go down in the annals of summer history as the summer Mother Nature went all mental on us. Between the hotter-than-hot heat waves, an earthquake that rattled us (read: "me") in more ways than one, and Hurricane Irene, I'm fairly confident that I'm about done. And yet I'm concurrently wishing a milder, less eventful version of it would continue. Indefinately. There were no vacations or day trips. My husband didn't have summer hours this year, something to which we always looked forward, providing him with every other Friday off. But hold it... Lest it be thought that I've been moping around, lamenting the lack of these things, the truth is that the summer flew by so quickly, that I barely noticed what we hadn't gotten around to doing i.e., until I wrote it out just now.
So what have we been doing? Um... Well, there's been some kung fu. We haven't been in as often as we would have liked, particularly due to my husband's "anti-summer" schedule. We attempted several outings on foot, all ending a few minutes later with the kids swooning from the heat, begging to re-enter the air conditioning. Lightweights, they are. And we've spent lots of time doing low-key stuff like watching videos, playing Scrabble and chess, and puttering around, from room to room, discovering stuff.
Acknowledging that it's already the end of summer however, really provides the incentive to just plan something "summery," and my husband must be feeling the same way now, as he's announced he'll be taking a few days off this week. We're so excited about that. We still don't know what we'll be doing, but it may or may not include a trip into Chinatown. The kids have been clamoring to return since Chinese New Year, and I admit that I've been looking forward to that as well. Of course, while they're looking forward to just sight-seeing and visiting some of the video stores (Asian films are a hot commodity at our house), I'm looking forward to buying some Chinese herbal stuff—tinctures and liniments. Boy, do I feel old! But when you are prone to eyesores like this:
And this:
…the desire to purchase liniments claiming to heal bruises faster becomes a matter of vanity, and a sincere desire to keep people from thinking my husband’s a batterer. He’s not. It’s all due to the kung fu, of course. Oh, and the pictures don’t even do these justice. No pain, no gain, right?
Off to have a cup of tea, and work on some more planning for school. That will be another post.
This entire summer has been a blur. I think it will forever go down in the annals of summer history as the summer Mother Nature went all mental on us. Between the hotter-than-hot heat waves, an earthquake that rattled us (read: "me") in more ways than one, and Hurricane Irene, I'm fairly confident that I'm about done. And yet I'm concurrently wishing a milder, less eventful version of it would continue. Indefinately. There were no vacations or day trips. My husband didn't have summer hours this year, something to which we always looked forward, providing him with every other Friday off. But hold it... Lest it be thought that I've been moping around, lamenting the lack of these things, the truth is that the summer flew by so quickly, that I barely noticed what we hadn't gotten around to doing i.e., until I wrote it out just now.
So what have we been doing? Um... Well, there's been some kung fu. We haven't been in as often as we would have liked, particularly due to my husband's "anti-summer" schedule. We attempted several outings on foot, all ending a few minutes later with the kids swooning from the heat, begging to re-enter the air conditioning. Lightweights, they are. And we've spent lots of time doing low-key stuff like watching videos, playing Scrabble and chess, and puttering around, from room to room, discovering stuff.
Acknowledging that it's already the end of summer however, really provides the incentive to just plan something "summery," and my husband must be feeling the same way now, as he's announced he'll be taking a few days off this week. We're so excited about that. We still don't know what we'll be doing, but it may or may not include a trip into Chinatown. The kids have been clamoring to return since Chinese New Year, and I admit that I've been looking forward to that as well. Of course, while they're looking forward to just sight-seeing and visiting some of the video stores (Asian films are a hot commodity at our house), I'm looking forward to buying some Chinese herbal stuff—tinctures and liniments. Boy, do I feel old! But when you are prone to eyesores like this:
And this:
…the desire to purchase liniments claiming to heal bruises faster becomes a matter of vanity, and a sincere desire to keep people from thinking my husband’s a batterer. He’s not. It’s all due to the kung fu, of course. Oh, and the pictures don’t even do these justice. No pain, no gain, right?
Off to have a cup of tea, and work on some more planning for school. That will be another post.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
What I Learned from my Dad
Lots of big feelings for the past few weeks, guys!
For starters, I had been beyond worried about a friend of mine. She has PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), and has been having constant health issues related to that. But then doctors found an especially large cyst that seemed out of the ordinary--a complex cyst. My worry settings are always set to autopilot, so I was all flustered, while she was the epitome of grace over the whole situation. Thankfully, her doctors ran some tests and don't believe that it's cancerous, because it's not "behaving like cancer." What a relief!
Then a dear friend lost her Dad to cancer. I'm a wreck whenever it comes to stuff like that, particularly because I'm flooded with memories of my own Dad's illness and death from cirrhosis way back in 1989. I was 16 at the time, so I'm fuzzy on many of the details, but I still remember his last moments as if they had just come to pass. So my Dad has been on my mind heavily for the past week. I can't believe it's been over twenty years since he's been gone.
Unlike my friend's Dad, my Dad didn't have a well-defined faith or spiritual home. He never went to church, and only showed interest in God when he was a few years into his illness. Towards the very end of his life, I'd find him reading bits of his Bible, and he seemed comforted by what he read in it. I was too oblivious at the time to understand where the change came from, even though it was a marked change and I knew that he was ill. I still hadn't realized, even after half a dozen or more hospitalizations, that things had gotten pretty serious with his illness. It never even occurred to me that he would die of cirrhosis. It wasn't like I had the Internet available at the time, providing ample opportunity to Google his diagnosis and worry myself to death over the possibilities. I do wish I had known how serious it all was. It would have forced me to pay more attention. I may have made it a point to focus more on the little things...conversations we had had, jokes he had told, and just quiet uneventful times spent together. Granted, I should have been doing that all along, but I was really oblivious about life at the time. I was a very selfish teen, preferring to spend time by myself or with friends, rather than with my family. My Dad didn't seem to mind, as when he was home, he spent most of his time on the couch, watching baseball. When I was younger, he hated it whenever my Mom would ask him to take me along with him to watch a live game. It was hilarious! Sometimes I think my Mom would just fling me on him unawares, so as to ruffle his feathers a bit. And he'd let me know just how annoyed he was, too, with a series of deep sighs and grunts. And yet just a few short years later, he went through a major change some time during the course of his illness. He all of a sudden seemed to want to be with me, and talk to me. But the irony is that right about the time he stopped minding having me around, I couldn't care less for staying home and bonding. It's like we just missed each other's window of opportunity.
My Dad's passing changed everything. My Dad's death, as awful as it was, helped to sort out my priorities. It forever altered my focus, and helped me put God and family first. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that guilt played a big part in this, too. I felt very guilty, and I still do. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to read his cues, and guilty that I was so detached from him. It's kind of an odd way to learn a lesson. It's not like I ever had a heart-to-heart with my Dad. But it was a lesson learned through his experience. He didn't have to tell me. He showed me through his actions and his experience, and I learned it too, albeit later than I should have. It's a lasting lesson as well, as I can't think of a single important thing I've decided, or on which I've deliberated, for or against, that wasn't done so in light of this experience. Before any big decision, I ask myself, "How will this help or hinder us as a family?" Oftentimes this means doing something with the kids, and for the kids, even when I don't want to, and trying to keep the sighs and grunts down to a minimum.
For starters, I had been beyond worried about a friend of mine. She has PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), and has been having constant health issues related to that. But then doctors found an especially large cyst that seemed out of the ordinary--a complex cyst. My worry settings are always set to autopilot, so I was all flustered, while she was the epitome of grace over the whole situation. Thankfully, her doctors ran some tests and don't believe that it's cancerous, because it's not "behaving like cancer." What a relief!
Then a dear friend lost her Dad to cancer. I'm a wreck whenever it comes to stuff like that, particularly because I'm flooded with memories of my own Dad's illness and death from cirrhosis way back in 1989. I was 16 at the time, so I'm fuzzy on many of the details, but I still remember his last moments as if they had just come to pass. So my Dad has been on my mind heavily for the past week. I can't believe it's been over twenty years since he's been gone.
Unlike my friend's Dad, my Dad didn't have a well-defined faith or spiritual home. He never went to church, and only showed interest in God when he was a few years into his illness. Towards the very end of his life, I'd find him reading bits of his Bible, and he seemed comforted by what he read in it. I was too oblivious at the time to understand where the change came from, even though it was a marked change and I knew that he was ill. I still hadn't realized, even after half a dozen or more hospitalizations, that things had gotten pretty serious with his illness. It never even occurred to me that he would die of cirrhosis. It wasn't like I had the Internet available at the time, providing ample opportunity to Google his diagnosis and worry myself to death over the possibilities. I do wish I had known how serious it all was. It would have forced me to pay more attention. I may have made it a point to focus more on the little things...conversations we had had, jokes he had told, and just quiet uneventful times spent together. Granted, I should have been doing that all along, but I was really oblivious about life at the time. I was a very selfish teen, preferring to spend time by myself or with friends, rather than with my family. My Dad didn't seem to mind, as when he was home, he spent most of his time on the couch, watching baseball. When I was younger, he hated it whenever my Mom would ask him to take me along with him to watch a live game. It was hilarious! Sometimes I think my Mom would just fling me on him unawares, so as to ruffle his feathers a bit. And he'd let me know just how annoyed he was, too, with a series of deep sighs and grunts. And yet just a few short years later, he went through a major change some time during the course of his illness. He all of a sudden seemed to want to be with me, and talk to me. But the irony is that right about the time he stopped minding having me around, I couldn't care less for staying home and bonding. It's like we just missed each other's window of opportunity.
My Dad's passing changed everything. My Dad's death, as awful as it was, helped to sort out my priorities. It forever altered my focus, and helped me put God and family first. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that guilt played a big part in this, too. I felt very guilty, and I still do. I feel guilty that I wasn't able to read his cues, and guilty that I was so detached from him. It's kind of an odd way to learn a lesson. It's not like I ever had a heart-to-heart with my Dad. But it was a lesson learned through his experience. He didn't have to tell me. He showed me through his actions and his experience, and I learned it too, albeit later than I should have. It's a lasting lesson as well, as I can't think of a single important thing I've decided, or on which I've deliberated, for or against, that wasn't done so in light of this experience. Before any big decision, I ask myself, "How will this help or hinder us as a family?" Oftentimes this means doing something with the kids, and for the kids, even when I don't want to, and trying to keep the sighs and grunts down to a minimum.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
While the Cats are Away
Enjoying a bit of alone time at the moment, and figured I may as well post something. I've been terrible at keeping up with this blog, particularly as it was my intention to update it regularly. I've come to the realization that I just have to do it. I've thought of a gazillion things I'd like to write about, but when I sit on those for too long, they sort of lose their luster. Those were postings for other days, and they're no longer calling to me, if that makes any sense.
Today my husband took the day off from work, which is always nice. But we didn't really plan on doing anything. I was content to just busy myself here at home, but he was eventually coerced into taking a trip to the local Korean market to satisfy his daughters' and their friend's appetite for some K-pop merchandise. My son tagged along as well, hoping that my husband would agree to taking him to another spot afterwards. I haven't been alone at home in like forever. It's nice.
On the agenda for the next few hours at least:
Have a quiet dinner.
Enjoy a cup of tea.
Cuddle up with a book. Preferably something not considered generally great in a literary sense, or listed on some great books list. Something not ancient or involved, not that I don't find enjoyment in those sometimes, but just not today. Just pure escapism is on the agenda tonight.
I can get used to this.
Today my husband took the day off from work, which is always nice. But we didn't really plan on doing anything. I was content to just busy myself here at home, but he was eventually coerced into taking a trip to the local Korean market to satisfy his daughters' and their friend's appetite for some K-pop merchandise. My son tagged along as well, hoping that my husband would agree to taking him to another spot afterwards. I haven't been alone at home in like forever. It's nice.
On the agenda for the next few hours at least:
Have a quiet dinner.
Enjoy a cup of tea.
Cuddle up with a book. Preferably something not considered generally great in a literary sense, or listed on some great books list. Something not ancient or involved, not that I don't find enjoyment in those sometimes, but just not today. Just pure escapism is on the agenda tonight.
I can get used to this.
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